Author: Connor Simpson

North Korea Tests Missiles for Second Day in a Row

AP

North Korea fired a short range missile into the sea off its east coast on Sunday. It's the second day in a row the rogue nation fired short range missiles for no apparent reason. Seems a little wasteful, doesn't it? 

By Connor Simpson

Feb 27, 2013

How Long Can the NFL Get Away with Asking Future Employees if They're Gay?

Now that National Football League executives are asking players about their sexual orientation — not just wondering in the shadows about Manti Te'o but grilling them in job interviews — it may be time for the commissioner to do something. It may even be breaking the law.

Comments | 6,289 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 27, 2013

The House GOP Can't Stop the Senate's Violence Against Women Act

What looked like another obstructionist tangle between the ever-competing chambers is now looking more like an unnecessary House debate and another win for Harry Reid over Boehner and Cantor and Co.

Comments | 689 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 26, 2013

Budweiser Has Been Sued 3 Times for Watering Down All Those Watery Beers

A group of new lawsuits contends that Budweiser brands, from Bud Light Platinum to Michelob Ultra, make the beer giant the king of watered down beers. Somewhere, beer snobs are snickering — maybe even to the tune of $15 million.

Comments | 20,984 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 26, 2013

Liberal Super PAC's Twitter Rant Attacks Mitch McConnell for 'Chinese' Wife

The tweets were obliquely racist — and even homophobic enough — to chime through the halls of the Capitol and even get potential candidate Ashley Judd to speak up.

Comments | 1,724 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 26, 2013

The NFL Is Afraid of Manti Te'o Being Gay, but Not Recruiting Criminals

Manti Te'o is reportedly raising eyebrows among general managers doing the hiring who "want to know" about his sexuality, even as teams refuse to speak out about gay players and critics charge that GMs still actively recruit players with criminal pasts.

Comments | 15,984 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 26, 2013

Glenn Beck Is Losing His Misguided War on Pro Wrestling

Beck has now "chickened out" of the WWE's challenge to fight in the ring, all of which would be pretty funny, if Beck understood that the WWE didn't "love to hate the Tea Party" so much as love to entertain its Latino audience.

Comments | 6,897 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 25, 2013

Joe Biden Has a New Official Portrait: Deal With It

This time around, the man so affectionately referred to as "Diamond Joe" — he is a man for all memes, especially on The Onion's better days — is crossing his arms, smiling like only Joe can smile, and, well, you can't do anything about it. Here's GIF evidence.

Comments | 1,826 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 25, 2013

Facebook's War on Cellphone Bills Takes One Giant Leap for Cheap Calls

If you live in one of the lucky 14 countries selected for a new test, it's now cheaper to use the social network's Messenger app to make a phone call — and it might be spreading.

Comments | 1,207 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 25, 2013

Why Did DC Comics Have to Kill the Good Robin?

DC Comics decided it's time to kill Batman-sidekick Robin again which is notable because this incarnation of Robin has actually been popular, unlike the last Robin to be unceremoniously killed off.

Comments | 1,897 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 25, 2013

Thomas Pynchon's New Book Comes Out This Year and It's About Silicon Alley

The notorious recluse, occasional Simpsons joke, and perhaps America's greatest living writer is releasing a novel in 2013, and the word leaked in pretty reclusive fashion.

Comments | 3,633 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 24, 2013

All the Places Answering 'What Time Do the Oscars Start?'

Every year, there's a shameless race to win your Super Bowl clicks when blogs and newspapers set up "What Time Does the Super Bowl Start?" posts. It appears a similar race has started up for Hollywood's Super Bowl, the Oscars. Or, the outrage over it has, at least. 

Comments | 13,622 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 24, 2013

How Will Quvenzhané Wallis Sound as the New Annie?

Regardless of the outcome of tonight's Oscar ceremony, Quvenzhané Wallis is still walking out of the weekend as a winner. The Beast of the Southern Wild star just got cast as the new lil orphan Annie

Comments | 690 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 24, 2013

Box Office Report

Melissa McCarthy Reigns

Welcome to the Box Office Report, where Bruce Willis came at the Queen but he definitely missed. 

Comments | 172 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 24, 2013

The Sunday Grind

LaHood Cries Sequester; McCain's Benghazi Appetite In Insatiable

Ray LaHood plays sequester town criar; John McCain warns that John Brennan's confirmation could be held up until more Benghazi secrets are handed over. 

Comments | 862 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 24, 2013

The Great NASCAR Video Debate

During the aftermath of yesterday's scary NASCAR crash, a video emerged on Youtube taken mere feet away from where one of the car's tires landed in the grandstand. It was an amazing, fan shot video of what happened. And then Youtube and NASCAR pulled it on copyright grounds. 

Comments | 6,651 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 24, 2013

The U.S. Tried to Make Friends with North Korea

This is especially distressing considering what we learned yesterday. The U.S. tried to repair their broken relationship with North Korea after Kim Jong-Il died. Spoiler alert: it didn't work. 

Comments | 1,379 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 24, 2013

Meet Carl, the Other Pistorius Accused of Killing Someone

The Pistorius family are going to be court room regulars before the year is through. Besides little brother Oscar's murder case, another Pistorius sibling is facing murder charges in South Africa. Oscar's big brother Carl is being charged with culpable homicide, too. 

Comments | 4,495 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 23, 2013

Scary NASCAR Crash Injures Fans

It's race weekend in Daytona. It should be a fun weekend! The annual Daytona 500 is on Sunday, and it's the biggest race of the year. But a scary crash at the finish of a Nationwide race on Saturday is hanging a dark cloud over the weekend's festivities.

Comments | 14,551 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 23, 2013

This Is What It's Like to Be Manti Te'o at a Press Conference

This weekend is the NFL Combine, where the new crop of rookies run and jump and are analyzed by professional scouts before the annual draft. Among this year's crew is Manti Te'o. You may have heard of him. He dated a girl that didn't exist. The press had some questions for him. 

Comments | 345 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 23, 2013

Ted Cruz Reaches for a Hagelian Defense

Ted Cruz was so aggressive during Chuck Hagel's confirmation hearing that he was reprimanded by fellow Republicans. After it was revealed Cruz sees communists everywhere, the Texas Republican made a defense inspired by his recent foe.

Comments | 2,838 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 23, 2013

The Yankees Are Officially the Bad Guys

May no Yankee ever complain about being hated ever again. Because, after a lengthy legal war, the Yankees are officially recognized by the courts as Baseball's Evil Empire. They had it copyrighted.

Comments | 5,195 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 23, 2013

So, North Korea Phoned the U.S. and Didn't Have Anything Nice to Say

It's rare that our friends from North Korea actually pick up the phone and give the ol' U.S. a call. But according to reports in their local media that's exactly what they did. Oh, and did we mention it was to warn the U.S. they would meet a "miserable destruction"? 

Comments | 19,140 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 23, 2013

The MIT Gunman Threat Was a Hoax

Twitter exploded Saturday morning after a gunman wearing body armor was reportedly spotted on the MIT campus, which is terrifying. Except after the smoke cleared and no gunman was found, it appears the whole thing was a hoax.

Comments | 11,308 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 23, 2013

No One Wants to Watch This New 'Game of Thrones' Trailer, Right?

So, there's this show about people who wear old clothes and fight with swords and stuff, and people say it's pretty popular but there's no evidence to back that up. No one wants to watch a trailer for some show called Game of Thrones first thing Saturday morning, right?

Comments | 4,985 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 20, 2013

The Great Beer Monopoly Deal May Be Back On

a few days after Anheuser-Busch InBev changed up the terms of the merger, things could be coming to a peaceful resolution with the U.S. Justice Department — and the world could be mixing Bud and Corona after all, technically speaking.

Comments | 322 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 20, 2013

Who Wants to Be a Millionaire Owner of the Boston Globe?

Calling all aspiring media tycoons: The New York Times is reportedly shopping around The Boston Globe to potential buyers — again — and it won't cost 10 figures this time.

Comments | 1,165 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 20, 2013

Lance Armstrong Will Only Come Clean Again to His Own International Tribunal

Passing up his final opportunity to cooperate with the investigation from his eternal enemies at the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency, Armstrong unveiled bigger plans for his official, non-Oprah coming-clean party: He'll only talk to a global court that doesn't exist yet.

Comments | 1,724 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 20, 2013

The WWE's Tea Party Wrestler Is Making Conservatives Hit the Mat

New bad guys are not-so-loosely inspired by the Tea Party, and that has commentators not-so-quietly complaining about a couple of outwardly racist xenophobes who want to send Mexicans back across the border. Even if that was kind of the whole point.

Comments | 9,807 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 20, 2013

Can Playboy Survive Without Nudity?

Now that Hugh Hefner's empire is leaning out of the "smut" business, the real Playboy boss is betting you actually will read it for the articles — or at least buy an iPhone app with lingerie instead of naked ladies.

Comments | 3,276 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 20, 2013

Conan O'Brien Can Put the Colbert Back in White House Correspondents' Dinner

The Beltway schmoozefest that has become a pretty unfunny snoozefest will be headlined by a man with a good precedent for bringing some brass ones to the White House.

Comments | 345 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 19, 2013

SNL's 'Djesus Uncrossed' Skit Really Offended Muslims, Too

Just about everybody assumed religious groups would be outraged, but just about everybody thought the sketch would offend Christian organizations. But apparently it offended at least one Islamic anti-defamation group a little more.

Comments | 8,808 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 19, 2013

Poor Patricia Cornwell Can Return to the Writing Life in Her Helicopter Now

The mystery novelist was awarded nearly $51 million in a lawsuit against her old financial management team, so she should be able to buy back the personal helicopter she used for book "research."

Comments | 1,003 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 19, 2013

How Much Is Obama Controlling the Message on MSNBC?

As the administration continues to draw the ire of the Beltway press, the most White House-friendly network up and hired yet another former White House message man, David Axelrod. And that may all be part of the plan.

Comments | 1,552 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 19, 2013

NBC's Ratings Problems Are All Football's Fault

If you look at the numbers, the network is missing Sunday Night Football — and Donald Trump — a lot more than anyone thought.

Comments | 1,953 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 18, 2013

The Thom Yorke AMA Was as Weird as You Would Expect

Radiohead's Thom Yorke and Nigel Godrich did a Reddit AMA Monday morning, and it shouldn't surprise any of the band's fans to hear that the answers given range from weird to... weirder.

Comments | 2,759 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 18, 2013

Who Do You Believe: Alec Baldwin or the New York Post?

That the New York Post and Alec Baldwin got into another spat is not news, really. But the latest battle between the paper and Baldwin is a little uglier, and a little unsettling, and a little more racist than their normal tiffs.

Comments | 9,484 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 17, 2013

Florida's Python Hunt Didn't Kill Very Many Pythons

Florida's Simpsons-like Python Challenge has ended, and the results aren't the greatest. Of the 150,000 Burmese pythons populating the state's Everglades, only 68 pythons were killed during the month long harvest.

Comments | 1,897 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 17, 2013

World Lets Out Collective 'Cheers!' Upon Hearing the Maker's Mark News

On a relatively quiet news weekend, the heavy drinkers populating your social media channels burst out in collective cheers on Sunday when the Kentucky whiskey brand Maker's Mark announced it would not, in fact, water down its own product as planned.

Comments | 1,552 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 17, 2013

Box Office Report

'Die Hard' Blows Up President's Day Weekend

Welcome to the Box Office Report, where Bruce Willie will never age into a period of bad sequels to his old movies like Stallone did, right?

Comments | 1,928 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 17, 2013

The Sunday Grind

Lindsey Graham and Hagel Make Nice (For Now)

Lindsey Graham and John McCain seem ready to move on from the whole Chuck Hagel debacle; Rand Paul and Paul Ryan talk about the potential of their respective 2016 runs; and there's some chatter over the President's leaked immigration plan.

Comments | 1,855 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 17, 2013

Holy Djesus, Christoph Waltz Was Excellent on 'SNL'

Christoph Waltz is a very talented actor. No one denies that. He even won an Oscar. But going into his hosting stint on Saturday Night Live, we had reservations. Delivering movie dialogue with wit and timing can easy; doing it live is not. Thankfully, we were so, so wrong. 

Comments | 6,407 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 17, 2013

The Potential Case Against Oscar Pistorius

A bloody cricket bat is at the center of a potential case against Oscar Pistorius in the alleged killing of his girlfriend of four months, Reeva Steenkamp.

Comments | 14,332 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 17, 2013

Rubio Fights the President's 'Half-Baked' Immigration Plan

Things seemed to escalate quickly there. After a copy of the White House's back-up immigration reform bill leaked, Marco Rubio moved quickly to shoot down the bill's proposals to ensure his bipartisan effort remained the favored method to get this deal done.

Comments | 1,724 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 16, 2013

What the President's Path to Citizenship Looks Like

In a speech given two weeks ago in Las Vegas, the President gave the first preview of his immigration reform back up plan. If Senate or Congress can't get the job done, he has a bill waiting for them to vote on. We now know what, exactly, makes up a chunk of the President's proposals.

Comments | 3,401 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 16, 2013

They're Already Talking About Who Might Be the Next Pope

The long road to the conclave is well under way. But who wants to wait until then? The campaigning and quizzing about who should be the next Pope is already going on, behind the scenes, in "phone conversations" and "e-mails." How very 21st Century of the Catholic church.

Comments | 2,334 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 16, 2013

Why 'Vogue' Is About to Break Up with Andre Leon Talley

The 30 year relationship between Vogue and its popular editor Andre Leon Talley is about to come to an end, according to New York Post Page Six report out Saturday morning.

Comments | 3,620 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 16, 2013

Marco Rubio Is Taking a Spring Trip to Israel (Sound Familiar?)

Marco Rubio has to shadow everything the President does these days. The potential Republican 2016 hopeful was the official State of the Union rebutter earlier this week. On Saturday morning, Rubio announced he is embarking on week long trip to Israel, just like the President. 

Comments | 1,897 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 16, 2013

Stat of the Day

Facebook Is Getting a $429 Million Tax Refund This Year

February really is the cruelest month because, on top of all this snow, one is forced to start contemplating death, or at least filling out one's taxes. You might be left scratching your head, and wishing you had a better accountant, when you hear how Facebook is getting hundreds of millions in a tax refund this year. 

Comments | 8,621 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 16, 2013

The FBI's Bob Menendez Investigation Is Coming Up Short on Prostitutes

The FBI's investigation into New Jersey Sen. Bob Menendez's potentially shady dealings is still ongoing, but for now it seems like he's going to get off an least one of the charges: they can't find any evidence he solicited any Dominican prostitutes, underage or otherwise.

Comments | 3,361 Views

By Connor Simpson

Feb 16, 2013

The California Meteor Sighting Wasn't Half as Cool as the Russian One

So, after yesterday's Russian meteor, and the asteroid passing that could have leveled an entire city, we thought the brief "space stuff falling from the sky" trend was over. But that's not the case. The U.S. just needed to have its own meteor sighting. 

Comments | 7,821 Views

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