After nine years of strenuous labor, Samuel Johnson finished his Dictionary of the English Language in 1775, setting the standard for the next two centuries. Now, the old English gent has been resurrected on Twitter by newly-minted author Tom Morton. "Samuel Johnson" has nearly 20,000 people following his, "acerbic, aphoristic wit," which creates new definitions for modern terms:


Dr. Johnson joins hundreds of other humorous fake Twitter accounts (other notables include Old Hoss Radbourn, fake Gary Busey, and fake Michael Bay). But Dr. Johnson, aka Tom Morton, is one of the few who has been able to translate his tweeting success into a book deal. In the "modern dictionary," he re-writes Johnson's masterpiece, defining 21st century terms in the archaic, often humorous language of the original. The Daily Mail showcases some highlights from his forthcoming work:

GOOGLE STREET VIEW
Cartographic espionage whereby one peers into the homes of strangers on pretence of consulting the map.

MICROWAVE
Infernal cupboard that can raise a fruit-pie unto the temperature of a blacksmith's forge.

FARMERS' MARKET
Perverse exchange where the money'd interest do happily trade a Cwt of silver-coin for a carrot of good provenance.

LOW-ENERGY BULB
Wan electrick-candle that creates the effeckt, not so much of light, but of a spectre in the room

BOTOX
Merely the pox inject'd into the brow by a barber surgeon; a capital invention.

BLOG
Electronick diary unto which earnest fools do commit their innermost thoughts, safe that no man shall ever read them.

SMART CAR
Carriage so tiny that it does appear as a wheel'd cage for a giant.

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Erik Hayden