Last night the White House decided to respond to two of the biggest, most talked about petitions on its We, The People petition site. So, don't shoot the messenger, but here's the bad news: no states will be allowed to secede; and the U.S. has no plans to start working on a Death Star. 

First, the boring one. The White House responded to eight petitions that earned signatures from the citizens of certain states claiming they want to secede from the rest of the country. Also included in the response is one petition asking that everyone who signed a secession petition be deported. Guess what? No one is going anywhere and you all have to live with each other. Suckers.

Now, the fun one. Paul Shawcross' official title is Chief of the Science and Space Branch at the White House Office of Management and Budget, but we would like to formally propose his title be changed to Resident Star Wars Aide to the President. Here are his chief reasons why the U.S. won't be building a Death Star: 

• The construction of the Death Star has been estimated to cost more than $850,000,000,000,000,000. We're working hard to reduce the deficit, not expand it.
• The Administration does not support blowing up planets.
• Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?

Bravo, sir. Take your bow. The rest of his response to a petition requesting construction of a Death Star begin by 2016 is filled with references to everyone's favorite movie. It may not be the answer you were looking for:

The White House Death Star response is a poorly-reasoned dodge. #politicsasusual

— Dashiell Bennett (@dashb0t) January 12, 2013

...but you should try and pick out all the Star Wars references anyway 

Read the whole thing with your breakfast here.

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