The incurably morose former Smiths frontman is still ill after being hospitalized over the weekend. But don't take Morrissey's melodramatic (and very public) update on touring plans too literally, because the soil isn't falling over his head just yet. 

Morrissey had to cancel a string of shows after checking in to the Beaumont Hospital in Royal Oak, Michigan last Friday. Billboard's Jason Lipshutz reported that the 53-year-old singer received treatment for a bleeding ulcer, but was expected to expected to make a full recovery soon. Morrissey spoke out through a fan site last night in typically morbid fashion, saying that the matter was far, far worse than such optimistic reports: 

The reports of my death have been greatly understated. Once admitted to the William Beaumont Hospital at Royal Oak in Michigan, I received treatment for concussion, a bleeding ulcer, and Barrett's esophagus. The positive from all of this is that there are now no known ailments left for me to try.

I am fully determined to resume the tour on February 9 at the Chelsea Ballroom in Las Vegas. If there's an audience of any kind in attendance, I just might die with a smile on my face, after all. If I am not there, I shall probably never again be anywhere.

Equally, I am determined to play Flint (Michigan) if it kills me (which, on the face of it, it almost has.) ...

pause at my headstone,
MORRISSEY
31 January 2013.

Though we're glad Morrissey got the medical attention he needed, it sounds like everyone's favorite militant vegetarian could be taking the whole thing too seriously (no one's in a coma, after all).  True, Barrett's esophagus is nothing to laugh about—it raises the risk of developing esophageal cancer—but Morrissey says he'll follow through on a month of U.S. dates this spring, and no one on their deathbed would commit to such a grueling tour schedule. Maybe he's just trying to get a leg up on his ex-Smith bandmates. He always seemed to think there's something charming about being the first of the gang to die...  

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David Wagner