1. Wear your pants backward. It worked for Kriss Kross.
2. Gain street cred by getting shot. Then you will be a “thug.”
3. If you’re going to write about getting booty, listen to Nate Dogg to see how it’s done.
4. Come up with a catchy album name like, “The Boyz in Jihad.”
5. If you’re still around and really want to get taken out by a cruise missile, e-mail us your location. We know people who can make it happen.