Culture critic Chuck Klosterman offers one. In an eerily prophetic passage in his 2009 book Eating the Dinosaur, Klosterman scripts a series of "best responses" to people in dire situations. For the recently-outed gay social-conservative politician he offers this prefabricated apology:
"I will concede that I am more confused than the average person. I've spent my entire life denying who I truly was. But my motive for that denial was political, even before I was a politician. I always believed that I could serve the greater good by advancing myself into a position of power, and--in order to make that reality--the compromise I made was to attack the social mores that were extension of everything I feared about myself. I felt extremely guilty for doing this, and I felt as though I deserved to be punished. My religious upbringing dictated retribution. So by publicly criticizing the gay community, I felt like I was silently punishing myself. Now, I was totally aware that this was hypocritical, and that hypocrisy consumed me. It was all I ever thought about. It became so pervasive within my consciousness that I found myself acting upong my own suppressed desires. I became romantically involved with someone of my own gender, completely aware that this could destroy me politically. That was part of the atrraction. Sadly, I enjoyed feeling self-destructive. When that relationship became more intense, I began to accept that I was gay. And that's why I kept pushing for laws that hurt the gay community. Political duplicity was the only way I could confront my own personal demons. I deeply apologize for hurting other people, but the only person I was trying to hurt was myself.
Also, I am an alcoholic." (117)