Matt Labash is the Daily Caller author of the "Ask Matt Labash" column,
a weekly dose of surrealist humor. In answering questions, he tends to veer into the
absurd fairly quickly, as was the case in a column the Wire recently highlighted
The question was: "I am a woman. Should I get a tattoo?" Labash opened
his response with "I am a man. Let's make a baby." He then launched into a 500-word tirade which, among other things, touched on the Parthenon.
More recently he responded
to a question about George Bush and the Constitution by suggesting liberals accuse the ex-president of "trampling" the Treaty of Greenville
Labash does occasionally break character (or revert to character?) to
make a serious point, as he does in his latest offering. After answering a question about what he would do with three
wishes (1. give them to someone with a terminal illness, 2. take them
back, and 3. bring back taco-flavored Doritos), he slips in a serious point about aging. A reader who is "insecure" about her age wants "wisdom." Here's his response
few months ago, I heard a radio interview with a terminally ill
journalist. She'd once been a gold-plated action junkie and a
swashbuckling war correspondent. Now, she was in a hospice, waiting for
the inevitable. When asked if she spent a lot of time looking back, she
said that no, she didn't. When reading a book, no matter how great
chapter two was, when you're on chapter eight, you’re still more
interested in what happens next than what you've already read. That's
the spirit, I think. If I had a fourth wish (see last question), I'd
wish to keep that in mind at all times. Though third place would still
be to bring back taco-flavored Doritos. You have to keep priorities
straight. Still, you don't have to spend life looking back wistfully.
Nostalgia can be the devil. Nor do you have to dread what comes next.
Life’s pretty good about staying interesting and yielding unexpected
pleasures. All that's required is to keep turning pages.
Not bad advice--especially coming from someone who just spend a few hundred words weighing
the merits of Klingon versus Braille.
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