The topless Paul Ryan photo the world has been begging for has finally surfaced on TMZ, and yet it shows Ryan is neither jacked nor ripped. The celebrity gossip site of record has obtained the most sought-after document of the entire presidential election -- no, not Mitt Romney's stupid 2009 tax return -- a picture of Ryan's abs. The photo reveals Ryan has a flat tummy, and a low body fat percentage, as he's promised, but no six-pack abs. That's because this photo was taken about six months before Ryan started his workout take P90X, TMZ reports. The photo does not reflect Ryan's current bod, the site says: "sources close to Paul's abs tell us Ryan has totally transformed his midsection in the past couple of years ... and now he's totally shredded with a killer 6-pack."

This raises several questions: 

1. How are we to trust the abs are real if no one aside from political hacks has ever seen them? 

2. How does Ryan keep his hair so perfectly mussed despite having just emerged from the water?

3. Ryan is hardly flabby in this photo, so what compelled him to take on the fat-burning workout P90X? 

3a. Could he have body image issues? 

3b. Would that make him the first vice presidential candidate with body image issues?

3c. Will that help the Republican ticket appeal to young female swing voters?

See the photo in all its flat-abbed glory at TMZ.

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Elspeth Reeve