THESIS: "These rumors [from tech bloggers] are getting so ridiculous that I think it's time we accepted the truth: the Apple tablet is dead; in fact it probably never existed."
LENGTH: A breezy 600 words
MEDIA OUTLETS GUILTY OF HYPE-MONGERING: Digitimes for continually reporting that the product's launch date has been pushed back "yet again," Wired magazine for "preposterously" beginning development on products, "whether the Apple tablet is real or not"
EVIDENCE OF FOLLY: "[Wired magazine publisher] Conde Nast is communicating its plans to Apple, but Cupertino is not discussing or confirming any of its product plans with the publisher."
WHAT THE APPLE TABLET REALLY IS: Dead, Very Expensive Apple Baloney, Vapor Sauce, Vaporware, A Mirage, A Nice Dream
DIRE PREDICTION: "I'm certain it will only be a matter of days before tech pundits and analysts convince themselves that mid-2010 is 'probably more realistic' as a launch date. Until we reach mid-2010 that is, when the tablet will be delayed again."
IN THE INTERM: "Apple tablet rumors will get even more fanciful and ridiculous."
"Let's face it: the Apple tablet is a mirage created by legions of fanboys and tech dreamers. The closer you get to that mirage, the more you realize it's not going to be there when you arrive. But then, off in the distance, an even brighter and more beautiful tablet is envisioned for a day that will never come. It's a nice dream, but it's just not going to happen."